At a first glance, this is just a boring photo of some rosemary plants. But if you look closely, there’s a green grasshopper hidden within. This grasshopper is literally me, guys. Being Chinese and aromantic asexual can sometimes be an isolating experience in a heteronormative and amatonormative world. Whenever I’m reminded of how the vast majority of people experience romantic and sexual attraction and have no idea aromanticism/asexuality is even a thing, I feel like an odd one out, like a little grasshopper in a field of rosemary. Also the word aromanticism doesn’t even exist in Chinese, so I literally lack the vocabulary to describe a part of me, which just makes me feel more miniscule.

Whether it’s a well-intentioned inquiry on dating life from a relative, or a passing gossip about someone’s relationship troubles, I just smile and nod. But I can’t shake off the feeling that I am pretending to be “straight and normal,” when really I’m excluded from what seems like a universal experience. But the facade must stay on. I must be like the little green grasshopper and conceal my identity and blend in. I think this is a sentiment that most aro/ace people can relate to. When they are spotted—i.e., coming out to someone—there’s always the risk of the other person reacting badly. Just because of how unknown and invisible aromanticism/asexuality is to the general public, any discussion about aro/ace (especially online) is more likely than not going to be met with extreme push back and skepticism, with statements along the lines of “But how do you REALLY know” and “That’s not a real thing.”